Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James is a book featuring BDSM themes that has recently gained a lot of press. It has been lauded as everything from ‘Mommy Porn’ to ‘bringing kink out of the closet’ to ‘terrible Twilight fanfiction’. Either way, it is getting people talking about kink and their sexuality, so we decided to take a look at it.
Going into reading this book, we selected someone from our office that reads a lot but doesn’t pay much mind to popular media. She did not Google the book previously to get any hints on the plot or things to keep an eye out for. After reading the book, here are a few criticisms about the material that bear repeating:
- Kinky people are not all thin, beautiful Hollywood types with potential eating disorders. Common misconceptions about BDSM inclined people – we are not ‘damaged’, ‘sexually abused as adolescents’, ‘naturally Domininant/submissive’ or extremely ridiculously wealthy (if only that last one were true).
- We do not all cum in unison during every sexual adventure. We certainly like to try, but the name of the game is pleasure in all forms, mixed with pain, fantasy and general hedonism.
3. BDSM relationships do not have to be male Dominant and female Submissive, or vice versa. As a pan-inclusive site, we think it is necessary to express that all relationships are equal with or without BDSM aspects, inclusive of every sexual orientation and gender expression under the rainbow. This is not often expressed in erotica but we feel it is valid.
Here are a few great points from the book that we feel bears repeating:
- I loved that there was condom use in this book. Too often erotica skips the condoms. Always using at least one form of protection is highly advisable. I’d suggest doubling forms of protection for you and your partner until you have gained the level of trust and communication required in your relationship to use only one form.
- A great idea that I did get from the book that bears more work is the idea of the submissive contract and limits section. If you and your partner are open to the idea of introducing kink into your bedroom play, you should at the very least, in writing, go over some ground rules and hard limits. Soft limits should be discussed, and as is mentioned, all pain is worse in your head, and all items that are open or unsure of should be worked up to in your play.
- The toys mentioned in this book, in order of their appearance, were :
a. Floggers (by the way, the tails are either called ‘tails’ or ‘falls’ in most places. ‘Fronds’ is not a common term with the exception of the UK.)
b. Riding Crops
c. Silk wrist ties
e. Cable Ties
g. Fur Mitt
We carry a lot of these toys in-house here at KinkStore.ca (with the exception of the cable ties, like in the book, you can purchase these at a hardware store if you wish to give them a go). Toys can add great variety to your sex play, but if you are looking for something to start out with, we suggest riding crops, mini floggers and cuffs. We have set up a few package deals HERE in our shop for a beginners’ kit.
- 4. Another great conception/idea from this book is that PERIOD SEX IS NOT GROSS. It’s natural, sure it may be messy, but hop in the bath or shower during/after and your problems are solved.
Here are some ways to bring scenarios from Fifty Shades of Grey into your bedroom play.
- There is a great scene in the book where Grey has Ana tied up to the wall in his playroom, facing away from him. He is giving her light taps on the vulva with his riding crop and this is really turning her on. He then uses this arousal to deliver soft blows over her bottom, back and thighs. Arousal acts as a slight analgesic, allowing the body to take more ‘pain’ while perceiving it as sensual. This is also why Grey fondles Ana during his typical punishment scenes (with the exclusion of the last one), as the arousal makes it easier for her body to cope with the pain.
For you and your partner to re-enact one of these scenes, we suggest either having your partner lay face-down on a bed, or tie their hands to a doorknob in your bedroom, then teasing them with your hands or a riding crop.
- . Having sex on a desk or table is a fantasy of many. To incorporate a little bondage element into this, tie your partners’ arms to the legs of the desk and have the standing partner hold the receiving partners’ legs up to their chest.
- Having sex in a bathtub is a great thought, but not so safe an idea. Why? The act of thrusting underwater can actually force water up the vagina. The problem is not with the water itself, it is with whatever bacteria that has been residing in other parts of your body that is now floating around in that warm water (icky…). To have sex comfortably in your bath without risking yeast infections or worse, we suggest doggy style, manual stimulation or oral sex – or all three, in various combinationsJ.
- Verbal cues/replies during sex can really ramp up the mood. Dominant partners give commands, and submissives reply with ‘Yes Sir/Ma’am/Ruler of my Life’ and receive a small punishment when the reply is not to spec. This is a wonderful way to introduce something kinky into your bedroom play, especially if you are not sure of the pain aspects of BDSM. Mental domination can be just as hot as physical domination – remember, you are only limited by your imagination.
This concludes our review of Fifty Shades of Grey. For more information on the toys we sell and how you can utilize them in your bedroom play, please visit our website at www.kinkstore.ca or call us.
We also do seminars at various events throughout the year, including an Introduction to BDSM seminar. To come to one of our seminars, keep an eye on our Events Page for information on when we will be in your area. If you are really eager to learn more, ask your favorite local retailer for more information.